


If I were Mindfang...

by FailureArtist



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/F, F/M, Journals, Stylistic Suck, canon re-write
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-28
Updated: 2016-07-28
Packaged: 2018-07-27 08:19:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,493
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7610662
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FailureArtist/pseuds/FailureArtist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mindfang's journal written in the style of my journals.</p>
            </blockquote>





	If I were Mindfang...

**Author's Note:**

> This is basically goes over events from canon so if anything triggered you in Mindfang's canon journal it might trigger you here. Also, one bodily fluid mention.

14/2/XXXX

 

Had a good night. Got laid. Captured my kismesis’ ship and took about twenty five slaves, I think. Maybe it was twelve? I met this one female slave I really liked. Had these interesting asymetrical horns and her teeth weren’t dull. I hated dull teeth sooo much. I actually reached into her mouth which is a weird and gross thing to do but whatev. I got to touch her boob. She was warm. I think she was a jade blood or a teal blood? I know one of the slaves was a jade blood. I used the mind power on her but she does like me at least 50%. She unbuttoned my jacket and I wish I wore a better jacket that night. Oh yeah, by the way, Dualscar was watching. He yelled out either “WVHAT ARE YOU DOING?” or “WVHO ARE YOU DOING?”, I can’t remember which one. I made a snappy comeback I can’t remember. It was cute watching him get jealous. I think I’m truly black for him but I’m not sure, I’m never sure. I really should be sure. So I continued on petting the teal girl (totally sure now she was teal) and he left at some point. Anyway, I got laid. Had a twicegasm. She orgasmed too.

 

16/2/XXXX

 

Fuck! The jade girl I wrote about earlier is dead! (I saw her blood so I know she’s jade. The eyes should have tipped me off. It’s the girl with the limp who’s the teal) My 8fold sense say he did it. Plus he sent me a letter. It’s a really long letter and I don’t feel like summarizing. I want to reply back but I haven’t thought of an answer yet and by the time I do, it will be too late. 

Now I don’t have a kismesis or a matesprit. When will I get laid again?

He (Dualscar) increased the bounty on my head by a thousand. It’s at ten thousand caegars now. I got it wrong earlier when I said it was eight thousand caegars. I think I just like that number.

I’ve broken laws but does anyone really care? I should feel guilty but I’m like welp. 

 

20/2/XXXX

 

Dualscar has gotten worse. It’s sad. I heard from I think the chubby purpleblood who makes cakes that DS has gone to the GHB. But Dualscar has this erotomania thing going with Condesce so I think it will go bad. Or maybe Dualscar has the hots for Grand Highblood. That would also be bad. Or maybe I’m thinking of troll Jodie Foster? He has lots of crushes, I can’t remember them all. The point is he harbored me and that will get him killed. I don’t know why I thought his crush on Condy had anything to do with this. Plus he’s unfunny. I say I’d like to see him punished but it’s probably be gross IRL. 

 

27/2/XXXX

 

I have forgotten Dualscar. Actually, no I haven’t, I’m writing about him right now. 

I heard from the chubby purpleblood spy (Henrit? Henrat?) that the Highbloods have sent my case to the legislaceraters (sp?). The legislacceratirs (sp?) have given the task to Neophyte (sp?) Radglair. I can’t believe they are sending me someone of the lowest rank. Wait, is Neopyhte (sp?) the lowest rank of the legistalators? Okay, I check, it’s second to last. The last rank is Noob. It’s still pretty weaksauce. I’m not worried. Maybe I should be but I’m not. I could look up her up more but I have a headache.

 

X/3/XXXX

 

I have tons to write about but it’s hard with one arm and one eye. Long story short, Redglair (sp?) captured me. It was a really cool battle though. I think I saw troll Guybrush Theerpwood at one point. Also, she had a dragon lusus which is weird because she’s only a tealblood. I think it was a dragon. I’m not an animal expert.

I’m in jail now but for some reason they let me have my notebook? Not that I’m complaining.

 

X+1/3/XXXX

 

Self-disinfected arm stump and eye socket. Prison is kinda boring. 

 

X+2/3/XXXX

 

Finally have something interesting to write about. Trial tonight. Lots of people. I’ve never been in a real trial before. Probably because if I had been in a trial before, I’d be dead since like 99% of the accused are killed. But I wasn’t killed tonight, of course.

Anyway, lots of people. The Highbloods must have advertised. There were like 100. No, that number sounds too low. It doesn’t matter. I could tell they all wanted me dead which is unnerving. Well, they wanted someone with blue blood dead. That’s how I escaped.

But I’m getting ahead of myself. I truly met Redglare for the first time. The time before didn’t count. She was so goddamn hot. I wish I could met hot girls in better circumstances. I also wish I could have heard her opening statements. Plus, a dragon. So many unfullfilled 

Anyway, I used my powers and got her hung. Heh heh, hung. Never found out if she was “hung”. But enough sex jokes. So I then killed Tryant (sp?). Black blood is grosser than I ever thought. Almost vomitted. Left. 

Then I stopped my escape to write this because it would kill me to hold it in. Man, I’m hungry. Got to go.

 

X+3/3/XXXX

 

At Expairate’s hive (sp). Actually, it’s a cave. I wish I could have found a better place to go but I don’t even have a fucking raft. 

When I got to his cave, he either said “What are you doing” or “Who are you”. Actually, he said the first. He already knew my name. I hate that people remember my name when I don’t remember their name.

Oh, yeah, Expairate a.k.a Darkleer is the guy I saved sweeps back from the Subjuggulators. But I’ve saved sooo many people. The story is several million journals back but basically he was supposed to kill this olive/yellow girl and he didn’t because he had a red/pale crush on her. Plus she was dating a prophet. Yeah, the prophet part is the most important detail. Darkleir killed the prophet matesprit and the prophet was a really big thing. I’m technically not supposed to even write the number 69 but who is going to censor me? 69 69 69 69 So this girl (the matesprit) doesn’t like Darkleer and she died at some point (not from Darkleer, just old age).  

I have to admit Darkleer is hot but I wouldn’t have sex with him. I’m kinda disappointed in him. I’ll still masturbate to him, but no sex.

So he gave me a new mechnical arm. It’s really cool. Nothing for the eye though. 

I talked a lot about lots of things. I can’t remember them all. Well, I talked about the whole Redglare thing, of course. And the cool dragon Piralsprit (sp?). The important thing is he didn’t get to talk. 

Along with the arm, I got back my Magic 8-Ball! I’d forgotten I had it. But I didn’t have my vision 8fold. Still, it keeps me away from Doc Scratch.

Oh yeah, Doc Scratch is this creepy guy on either the pink moon or green (pink sounds more likely). He really gets under my skin. Manipulative bastard. Also I think he liked me tooo much as a wiggler. 

Welp, guess I can’t see the vision of my future matesprit. In like a hundred sweeps I’m going to meet this sexy lowblood with huge horns. Man, I end up with lots of lowbloods. This guy can summon animals so he’s called the Beastmaster. No, it’s Summoner. That’s a better name. He also has wings. I don’t know how that works. I’ve seen him with the dragon that may or may not be Pyrallspit (sp?). God, I want that dragon bad. He’s not too bad either.

Anyway, he’ll be the leader of this big rebellion and that rebellion will led to all the adults being taken off the planet. Which sounds like a logistical daymare to me but it’s not my decision. 

He’s going to kill me. That’s the important part. I haven’t written about this before even when I had copious time because it was just too depressing. I talk about what I have for breakfast but not this?

Welp, nothing I can do about it. At least I get laid. He probably has a big bone bulge.

 

X+4/3/XXXX

 

I have paper left but I’m going to dump this journal. Just like I’ve dumped the 8 million other journals. Why do I write these when I never read them?

I hope someone picks this up. Though it would be awkward if it were an impressionable wiggler, given all the sex plus every time I masturbated. Ahh, I’ll be dead then. 

**Author's Note:**

> Well, spacecadetomoly found this funny.


End file.
